His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!"
He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." 2 Samuel 12:21-23
I am an observer by nature, especially of people, their behavior, development, or their responses in certain situations. I just love to observe people being people. Some of you know that Mom passed September 1, 2008 after a 2 year battle with cancer. I come from a family that has a very healthy view of grief and loss. Well, at least most of us do. During the weeks following her death I observed many people who responded to grief in many different ways. These observations have inspired me to take a brief look at what healthy grief should look like.
There is a time for grieving, a time to cry, and a time for sadness. However, in our culture we often protect ourselves from grief in a way that we don’t understand the way it actually works. I remember the first funeral that I attended as an adolescent who was old enough to observe and analyze what was happening around me. I remember sitting at the table at the reception meal after the funeral service and wondering how could people be laughing. Everyone was sharing stories of our friend and the funny things he had done.
Some how for some reason I just didn’t think that should be ok. “Did they not care about him?” Of course they cared about him. They cared very much. But we have so many emotions and in healthy grief they will come and go in waves. When you are facing grief in your life remember to allow yourself to feel your emotions honestly. It is possible to really love someone you lose and still laugh when you remember them. It is possible to really love someone you lose and still carry on with your life after they are gone.
When grieving you should also be aware of when it is time to get up and get moving again. Sometimes when you experience a great loss the best thing to do for healing is to keep busy. Anyone who spends their time dwelling on sorrow and loss will wind up depressed. It is far better to honor the memory of your loved one by continuing to live a full and rich life, and continuing to make a difference in your world.
Take a moment to read the story of David and his child with Uriah’s wife Bathsheba. It is found in 2 Samuel Chapter 12. We see in this man a healthy view of grief.
King David’s son was struck sick and David grieved him greatly, David would not eat, he mourned and pleaded with God to spare the child however when the child died he got up took a bath and went to eat.
When we face suffering and especially loss we have to remember that God is in control of our lives. We are to take comfort in the knowledge of God and find his strength to carry on. Are you facing grief at this time? Is it time for you to “get up and eat?”
I will go to him but he will not return to me.
I heard a compelling description of heaven recently. It depicted our loved ones and people who had been influential in our lives greeting us and welcoming us home. I am comforted by the thought that we have not lost the ones we love. We are just taking a short leave of absence from their presence. The long life we live here on earth is less than a drop in the bucket to the time we will have in eternity.
King David was not ashamed to express his emotions, he knew when it was time to get back to his responsibilities, and he knew that God was in control of his life and his eternity. He had a healthy view of grief.
1 comment:
Thank you so much for your thoughts on how to handle grief. I lost my fiance in a car wreck in July of 2003...just 2 months before our wedding date. She went to visit her parents in Pennsylvania and I had my own business at the time and couldn't go due to a time sensitive project I had to finish. I told her to go on and have a good time and we would go back again soon...together. She took her mom's car to go shopping on July 6 and as she was getting on the highway from the service road, a semi truck driver hit her from behind and knocked her sideways into the highway with another oncoming truck. I kept thinking that if I had been there with her, it wouldn't have happened. I was 37 before I finally found the woman I loved and I loved her so much and she loved me. I just turned 43 and for the last 5 or so years, it's been an ongoing battle to get on with my life. For the most part, I'm easy going and have a sense of humor and get along with people really well but I'll sometime dwell on the lack of a family and I lose joy over it. I think about my fiance and what could have been and I ask why something like that had to happen. Believe me, I have no problem showing my emotion and I probably ran the gamut. It's even gone so far as to negatively affect a friendship later on with someone I really thought a lot of. I ended up suffocating that person until I lost a friendship I valued.
So, yes, grief can cause all sorts of problems if you don't handle it correctly. I didn't have the Lord in my life at the time all this happened. I had strayed away. I am slowly but surely learning to turn things over to Him and to let Him heal the situation.
Post a Comment